lunes, 15 de junio de 2009

Sad.

Many events that have occurred since I woke up this morning can only be summed up with one word: sad.

Let me start at the beginning. I woke up at 8:15 a.m. Sad. I then proceeded to pack up my toiletries, realizing in that moment that I was completely packed and technically ready to leave Sevilla. Sad. Next I had to go to EUSA to print off my boarding pass and another handful of random documents that I need for these final weeks. I ran into Cheryl and Angeles and had to say goodbye. I also had to say goodbye to the computer lab, the home of way too many memories for the semester. Sad. I then made the walk back from EUSA to my piso for the final time, sweating like a straight pig because it was already 90 degrees at 9:30 a.m. Sad.

I quickly ate breakfast at the piso, making it my last cola cao & pan tostada for a while. I then paced around the apartment for about 10 minutes, realizing that I should probably head to the airport since one of my bags, as I mentioned in my previous post (which you should read... shameless self plug), was probably going to cause me problems since it was so bulbous. I also then realized that it was time to face the inevitable: saying goodbye to my Senora. S.A.D.

I don't know what it was about that moment, but the second she gave me a hug I burst into tears. I don't think that leaving Sevilla had become real until that moment. It's kind of like when you find out the guy you really like is dating that boring skank... you don't believe it until you see it... you thought he actually meant it when he said he likes 'personality'(Oh God, the bitterness is coming out). Maybe that's why my world has been like a daze for the past week -- denial that I did, in fact, have to leave; either way, when I gave her the final hug, it got real. Real quick.

I walked out of the apartment still crying and awkwardly waited for the elevator til it made its way to the second floor. I didn't realize she was still watching me until she said, "Adios" one more time. I managed an "Adios" (I tried to say "Voy a echarte de menos" earlier but I really don't think she understood through my blubbering) and that was it. I walked out of my building for the last time. I walked down Villegas y Marmolejo for the last time, causing me to cry more; I'm really going to miss the caricatures that live on this street, as well as the constant whiffs of dog shit. I used the Santander ATM for the last time, and I coger'ed my last Sevillan taxi.

SAD.

By some miracle of god, my bag only weighed 23.5 kg, so the lady at the Iberia desk didn't make me pay any excess baggage fees. That wasn't too sad. I guess it didn't really get sad again until I got off the plane in Madrid. In my opinion, there is nothing sadder than traveling alone. I realized when I walked off the plane that I was, regrettably, all alone in Madrid. Sure, Julie's coming tomorrow, but I had to spend an entire day alone with just my misery that study abroad is, in fact, over. Gahhh, that thought alone is just so damn depressing.

I spent most of the day walking around the area close to my sweet digs (thanks daddy), which just happens to include the Plaza Mayor, El Gran Via, & tons of awesome shopping. This is definitely going to be a test of willpower because my budget is preeeetty much non-existent. I already found a dress I want. Nooo. Sad that I had to leave it there. OH, and another sad thing... my new f*cking camera has a damn PARTICLE of SOMETHING on the lens. I seriously cannot win with cameras. I've had it for a good 10 days, it hasn't left its case, and yet there is a black particle in the corner of every GD picture that just decided to show up today. AWESOME.

The culmination of today's sadness is happening right now. It's 10 p.m. I am in one of the liveliest cities in all of Europe in terms of nightlife... and I'm laying alone in a hotel room eating digestive cookies and watching "Life" in Spanish without pants on. I don't understand really anything that's happening, except there's a man hanging from the wall with an ax through his body. And that really sums up how I feel about today: I feel like there's a figurative ax pinning me to the wall, draining my heart of all its blood (wow for that), because Sevilla Spring '09 is over.

Sad.

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