Last night, a large group of us decided to check out a movie at Nervion Plaza, the mall near my house. Usually if people go to the movies, they go to Avenida Cinco because they show movies in everyone's favorite language, English, but the 45 minute walk was enough to make us attempt to watch a movie all in Spanish. So a group of about 10 of us met up at Burger King (pronounced Borgor Keeng here), and headed towards the shining beacon that is Nervion. Sadly, I missed out on the snacks memo, as everyone had stocked up before the movie (Andy had a hamburger in his pocket), but little did I know I would not need anything to keep me awake or entertained during this film.
After a rousing conversation about women's and men's pain thresholds (women have scientifically higher ones; the guys couldn't handle the facts), we finally arrived at Nervion and had to make a decis regarding which movie we wanted to see. And there were some winners to choose from: Fast & the Furious 4, Dragonball Evolution (Dragonballz, as I like to call it), Hotel for Dogs, Some movie about a Streetfighter... the decision was tough. However, we widdled it down to two choices: Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D or Mentiras y Gordas, a Spanish film. After much discussion, we settled for Mentiras y Gordas because none of us really wanted to watch a film dubbed in Spanish... it's the worst. Also, we had all seen the following trailer, so we knew which choice was the right one:
You're not ready for this
Yes, AFTER seeing that trailer, we decided to see the movie. As we go to buy our tickets, another shocking development: over HALF of the group bitched out. I probably offended some by quoting Superbad ("You bitched out on me, you Judas"), but that's only because I assume that everyone can quote the movie in its entirety. In reality, it just hurt that people would turn down sex and drugs like that. But four soldiers continued on into the theater with expectations only of a very awkward night ahead: Hamilton, Andy, Olivia and me.
As the theater slowly starts to fill up (and I'm talking very slowly... there were about 8 others), we realize that we are all surrounded by couples. That was JUST the beginning of the awkwardness. Within the first, say, 10 minutes of the movie, I think 3 couples had already hooked up (on screen, not counting the couple in front of me making out), and about 15 people had already done some sort of drug. Perhaps my favorite part in the opening were two girls in a bathroom stall, one of whom was peeing, the other one doing lines off of said peeing girl's thigh. WOW. That was really just the beginning, as the movie spiralled out of control from there into one giant 2-hour orgy. I guess that's how the Spanish like it, I don't know.
Also important to mention is how graphic this film was. I really felt like I was watching porno. There was one scene where you could basically see the family jewels of one guy peeking out... I seriously was in awe (not at the penis, at the fact that they could show that on screen). I know there are laws about that in the US, but Spain must not give a flying f*ck. I mean, come on -- you saw the trailer... if they can show that ON TELEVISION, just imagine what we saw.
At the end, we were all pretty silent. Several times throughout the film I had to cover my face with my coat or just scream out loud, "What the HELL?" However, it may be surprising that, behind all the dirty sex, there was some substance to the film (no, that substance wasn't cocaine). But yea, when it ended, we all just kind of sat there. I felt like I needed a cigarette (or a juice box). Hamilton felt unable to hug us goodbye afterwards, and I really couldn't blame him for avoiding human contact after that. Really, it was quite the cultural experience... and an even greater bonding experience for those of us who watched it together.