domingo, 1 de febrero de 2009

Quiero quedar contigoooo

I am writing two blogs today because the events of last night cannot go without being published.

Yes, they were that INCREIBLE.

So, we headed out from our house around 10:20, going towards El Centro (near La Catedral). This area, while old, lovely, and oh-so-European, is basically a maze. It took us a solid 45 minutes to get to TexMex (whose sign, by the way, was probably in 12-point-font, adding to it's elusiveness), only to realize that the UNC-NCSU game we were going to watch was literally in its final 2 seconds. We did, however, see the Heels win and all of us sang the alma mater. Cool, but slightly embarassing. Then, we all headed to this small bar where drinks were supposedly cheap.

Let me emphasize the phrase "hole in the wall" in terms of this bar we went to. We could barely all fit inside. And, the men there... yikes. They were all probably in their 30s, and many of them acted as though they had never seen a woman before. This is probably part of the reason why they were acting so INCREDIBLY unreal allll night to us. First was the drunk guy who insisted on pounding it with all of us as we walked in. He was wastey. He was also there with several wastey friends. One guy could barely sit up or open his eyes, but damnit if he wasn't still going for his vodka y limon.

Since it was so crowded, Elle, Angela and I decided to stand in the hallway into the bar and crack open the bottle of wine I had in my purse (wow) and pass it around. The guys standing around were shocked after we finished it in a good 3-4 minutes. We are serious about our Joven. After that, Angela and I split a de-lish-ous glass of Sangria. That, however, involved us fighting our way into the bar again. And that's really when the fun began.

Before I start, I want to detail a trend in Sevilla bars - the Asian piece-of-shit-vendors. These people come into bars with light up swords and glass and pins and a whole bunch of other worthless stuff.

Well, tonight was no exception... of course, we all refused, but the drunk men at the bar could not resist the 5 euro light sabers. After pretending they were light-up penises for a good ten minutes, two of them engaged in an epic light saber battle in the middle of the bar. Of course, I was laughing like an idiot and harassing them with pictures. They didn't seem to mind.

Remember drunk fist-pound guy? He noticed me taking pictures of his light saber battle, so he came over to take a picture of Elle, Angela and I... and him. And wow, it was special... I am posting them on FB asap, and they are probably my best pictures of ANYTHING this entire trip. I guess we got old, so he went to talk to some of the other girls in our group.

Then, in walks a group of 5 guys in medeival court-jester-ish costumes: ruffle necks, black puffy shirts, sashes... the whole nine yards. Apparently, they were in some sort of Spanish classical band. While standing to get a drink at the bar, I could see the bald one staring at us. Wow for him. He had a piece of chalk and was drawing all over the bar... he drew arrows pointing towards the three of us (I still don't know exactly what that meant). Then, I asked him if I could use the chalk. I drew a huge smiley face on the bar. I think that was a mistake, because he must have thought I meant that I was happy in his presence. Nope. He then took the chalk from me and drew the most jacked-up pair of lips I've ever seen and then drew an arrow towards me. Then he proceeded to blow kisses. Mind you, this man is probably late thirties. I said "Gracias," then looked awkwardly away.

We got kind of sick of how crowded the main part of the bar was, so we slipped out again to the entrance area. There, we found 2 more members of the medieval band, probably the creepiest looking guys ever. I drunkenly made the mistake of asking for a cancion, and kept saying it until they started singing. The one singer asked me, in English, to "please be quiet" so they could sing... and boy, was it heinous. I laughed the ENTIRE time. And, lucky for us, they did not play one, not two, but THREE WHOLE SONGS!! Absolutely unreal. Apparently, the guy in the glasses was only staring at Angela's boobs. Creeper, creeper, creeper.

After that fiasco, I headed towards the bathroom, when 30-year-old pound-it guy came up to me and said, "Hola, mi amor." I said, "Hola," thinking that would be the end of that. But no, he then decides to SING THE FOLLOWING TO ME: "Quiero quedar contigo." I want to stay with you?? REAAAAAALLY??

I then find out this guy is MARRIED, WITH A CHILD! He was actually in love with another girl, Elizabeth, from our program. After she left, thoroughly creeped out, I'm sure, he told me to tell her he loved her. I said, "Arent you married?" He responds, "Bill Clinton."

WOWWWWWWWWW! ARE YOU SERIOUS BUDDY??

At this point, we realize it's probably time to head out from this bar, as the men are getting drunker and, therefore, exponentially creepier. We went around the corner to Flagherty's Irish Pub, a place I didn't want to go, but followed anyway.

I was wrong though, because this was the best part of the night, and probably the best night I've had in Sevilla.

All I can say is, when we got there, we started a DANCE PARTY. Like I said in my last blog, they played a lot of shiteous American music, but I really actually enjoyed it, especially the Grease Medley. As we were dancing, Angela and I somehow got a little separated from the group.

And this, my friends, is when we were surrounded by a group of GUAPO Spanish boys.

Despite someone slapping my ass while I was dancing, I kind of fell in love with all of them. We were all dancing together and having a good time. Then, they all disappeared, minus one, named "Jimmy." He was 19 and a native Sevillian. I was excited to meet some locals because we really need to make Spanish friends. I was bummed, however, because all of his hottie friends were gone. But, Jimmy, too disappeard and we started dancing again with a group of 40 something Spanish women. They were heinous dancers, but fun. We stayed there until the lights came up at 3:00 AM.

The group met outside, and most of them planned on going to the discoteca Elefunk. Angela and I, however, slipped back into the bar to see if our hottie friends were sitll there. Lo and behold, there they all were.... "Adonde vais?" they asked us. Oh god in heaven, I was so happy to have a hoard of Spanish men inviting us to party with them. Angela and I were laughing and enjoying all of the attention.

Then, however, the group's wingman had to come in and ruin EVERYTHINGGGGGGG.

I HATE HIM.

This guy, whose name I don't recall and don't really want to, came over, and started speaking the only English he knew. As we all know, most of the things they can say to us in English are dirty and inappropriate. This was no exception.

This guy decided to tell us that his friends have "14 centimeter dicks," that "American girls are good at sucking dick," that "my friend wants to sex with you," etc.

FIRST OF ALL, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: 14 centimeters = 5.5 inches.
Is that really all that special? I feel like that's average size. Why the HELL would he tell us this? All his friends just kind of sat there. I cannot decide if they think it's funny or cute or what to talk like that to American girls. But it happened, and at that point, the bubble burst. My enchantment surrounding Jose, Jose, and alll the other men disappeared. And, I am proud of myself to say this, but I decided it was good for us to leave and NOT continue partying with these ass holes.

Sad, but true. I have yet to find a Spanish novio. I really thought one of the hot Jose's would be it. They even told me i had a nice "culito."

After that, the night ended pretty shittily with a walk home under my baby umbrella in the rain. I could not get over how those guys completely blew it........

But even still, I think it was an incredibly hilarious evening. Can't wait for next weekend to do it all again!

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